May 13th Segment 4: Susan Steinbrecher - Meaningful Alignment

One Life Radio
Sunday, May 13th

Transcript - Not for consumer use. Robot overlords only. Will not be accurate.

Just happy. You know over the break we talking about that I take the pills drugs just like everyone but I gave the front punchline so. It's not go home and put yourself a shot ego the liquid Viagra you go home and put yourself to step one. It's course and they scores that guys were so I had to correct that just in case revealing she didn't get that joke. That welcome back to one like radio I want to let you know the you can go to our website unlike radio dot com to download and listen to her podcast. And subscribe to our weekly newsletter. It's our am out of brat they still. Still not a 100% here about you can also put I heard media dot com to listen live from your mobile device or download the free. I heart radio app and listened to as from anywhere in the world a big shout out to our sponsors because they. Pay for this program programming they bring it to you they care about you just like I do these are companies that I hand panic. 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So I've got Susan Stine record in studio with me I founder on Twitter you guys. I read whatever Twitter posted that I really like what she had to say so I had. The girls reach out to her and here she says it's such a pleasure to have you yeah I'm excited to be here well it is and it it's I think you and it's such a pleasure to have you here. You are a business consultant and co author of heart centered leadership. Leadership lead well live well and one of the pioneers of the global heart centered leadership movement. She is ACL of Stein Brecher & Associates and Hurst Texas answers as an executive coach. License mediator. Professional speaker and leadership advisor she is also the author of the Amazon best seller king's show. I can't wait I didn't know that I didn't have time have to get that back okay I'll moderate awakening. And the forthcoming book based on her program meaningful alignment so. Susan is an ink dot com columnist. I can't ignore dot com contributor and Huffington Post blogger her work has been featured and MSNBC's. Your business the New York Times. Fortune's small business and business insider dot com. You could finder at Stein record dot com or meaningful alignment dot com such a pleasure as I said to let's talk about this. Meaningful alignment I've never heard this phrase before so why do you most people struggle with authentic communication particularly during high impact conversations. Yeah often out of fear. Mean they're quite asked how my gonna do this would have Disco self what do I can't manage my emotions. But if this person just a lot of emotion I don't know what to do with now so people really lacked for confidence competence and comfort to do it. So we teach people exactly how to fix up process had a war now but it navigate the conversation. But we also focus on the most important part in our mind which I think is the missing part out there which is the inside game part. So chaotic at the heart censured or action that and how to like have the emotional composure resiliency to get through a tough conversation. OK so I gotta get to hang in so I had what's the what's the toughest conversation you look at possibly have a problem and a personal level obviously it's my needs are not being nuts and you need to hear me he'd let the conversation for a lot of to have because they don't want to speak up is again they're afraid. I'm an and a professional setting it's we work with lots of executives and lots of you know this is spokesman. It's getting alignment sometimes with a pure level. When you have to influence another person to a course of action and you can't get anything done without them and you have no power with an individual right so you're working strictly off your influencing scale. Well I think for people. Well it is it makes me think of Robert Richman who is on the show yesterday and his but the the look different culture. Great book with lots of good advice in this difficult but I think. When you realize that that that people lying your teammate you're all on the same team together. You don't wanna have really any power over anyone because he ultimately don't. That's true however the however noting that corporate politics are all about I'm trying to outshine the other who's gonna get the next promotion and all kinds of hidden agendas often. And that's what awesome access to call because if you got all the hidden agenda and all this often history with this individual also about the way. Think the conversations about this topic. It can be but if you have a history this individual. With in order not to bring in the history of all the previous topics and conversations could batter ugly incidents table right into this particular conversation went out there with that history your also overcoming and that's I mean that's a challenge. About your meaningful alignment work and why it's so important focus on emotional management and critical communication. Skill building in the workplace OK so first of all what we know I'm statistically is. When he gets a certain level leadership I mean it's kind of understood your Smart case of the IQ is probably going for a ride this is kind of known it's an even playing field. But what makes the difference what I call the difference that makes the difference is the emotional intelligence side miles though how do you build the emotional intelligence will any weren't born when you actually are in a situation where. We. Judge people by obesity and work teams were considering that every minute of the day based on what energy to protect teen what we were seeing come from them. We're making decisions whether we can trust an individual not that's kind of innate in our nature how Texas is for safety security reasons. So immediately we have a tendency to judge an individual or saying something is going on vs two really try to come to understand. Yeah says the problem is when you're trying to get a line it was somebody for the achievement of a business goal or four to move the organization forward or are we have to this is the vision of the company and we need to all get their to gather. You've got everybody going amateur and mental models and has their own story and not often gets in the way. I mean end. In the end no circumstances you know Euro a year old garbage gets in the way of of growth likely and so we have to deal with. Not only how to navigate this conversation. And make sure that this person feels respected because that's going to be the window. Yeah I mean I can teach a person a six that process to achieve a cult practical need of conversation which is what is the actual gold again accomplished. But the the real true offer and the real issue that you have to meet as a person's ego personal needs which is a wanna feel valued and respected. Cared about listen to involved if my teeth that. I'm gonna hang in here emotionally at least will be more neutralized burst escalating and when I got to stay. Well on you what can you do during the heat of the moment particularly in if a conversation is spiraling you know a little that I can drop. Right so we teach a couple of things around now one of things to call the flat. So the point is you got to get the attention in the energy off yourself and because you're finding yourself freaking out when he went about it you know it's like you need that moment to take the deep brown Purdue something to get the energy off of Hugo. So one way to do that is to ask a question. Or to say that's interesting tell me more now this person's talking that gives you a moment to take a deep brown. Counterattack and whatever self management that you need for yourself for me it might be a message that says this too shall pass. Yeah I could or should be really listening. Are you can't get bio fuel and about to show us what they're saying can actually be writing which I like as well because your writing sort of getting it out of the body you're sort of getting that energy out of your system. But you're buying yourself time to regain composure here. And that's the challenge is if if the negative emotion in yourself keeps escalating regarding us and ago well. So let's say that happens worst case you've tried obvious self management techniques it's not working this is that's escalating. It's better to delay that conversation than to continue because we can guarantee this is not gonna go well rank if you're emotionally hijacked to for part of the brain is activated right it's not the pre frontal cortex the thinking critical center is the middle right night the firefight. Freeze response. So even saying to the person hey you know why. This isn't going well I'm upset Europe's. And why don't we give ourselves a little bit a time to take a step at the time mount as a time now. And we can be seen because we we can predictable well so you might as well worst case clinic at the soundtrack at least delay the conversations say. When you think about it I'll think about it let's come back tomorrow and that's it for us. I think that's great advice no matter whether it's something personal. Or something in business because at the end of the day you've got a job you got a life to live you've got a job to get done whether it be at your house over it you know at the office and and nothing gets accomplished with just one person you have to work together is absolutely it's a team approach gaffe we'll it's been a pleasure having you as to the other categories current. But great to meet ear and I'm your listeners love having having UN as well so. Hey you know what every line and I I love doing this show I really do I hope you enjoy listening today casino lack. You get on body you get one mind and you only get one life so get out there today and make them at a seven. And it.