May 13th Segment 3: Robin Perry Braun - Why People Stay In Abusive Relationships

One Life Radio
Sunday, May 13th

Transcript - Not for consumer use. Robot overlords only. Will not be accurate.

And that night. I'm great thank you very Macs have welcome back you want my radio this is burning that. Wind diving great liking Brinkley Abby and Betty and those I've got Susan Stine wrecker in studio with me and rabbit Perry Bryant. Robin Harry Ron is a holistic counselor who is work specifically. With sex and sexual addictions for fifteen years. She is also in emotion coat energy practitioner she does Skype sessions all over the world and uses a holistic approach to address mental emotional. And physical problems. You can find all of our guest experts at one light radio dot com you can also find Robyn at integrated life strategies dot com that's integrated. Life strategies dot com today we're talking about why people stay in abusive relationships so. People say even when they know the relationship is at peace. Well there's a lot of reasons and so what what's important me is that there pistons to find out what what are your reasons worry your obstacles to leaving it's not my place to Alito leave a lot of times they have strong beliefs. That are keeping them locked into there even the most abusive. I do typically advise if you're being physically abused that for your own safety you need to at least. And to a safe place aren't kicks. Parent yeah or take go become a black Belden or. Or again and again. Like Asia you know joking around obviously but but there's a different types of abuse animals on the wheel of abuse. I haven't seen a few years but there are. All types of abuse there's emotional there's verbal or physical. There's financial others. Even real people out abuser near me is ritual abuse and I mean it's like real. Root of all abuse like control all. Well control I mean now. To be users are victims of abuse themselves were you know have a narcissistic personality band they're very self absorbed and there are some levels so she op at the end there. Addicts can be abusive because there are. You know locked into their addiction and they just can't extract themselves so. There's just some level of deep mystery that keeps a person from treating another person you may write a lot of times they're very blind to the abuse. If you grew at an abusive home. Calling each other names may seem may have been your normal president and nobody ever called it out as abuse speak right it was you're normally you're desensitized. To the impacted academic standards and makes sense. So a lot of times we stand abuse because of that reason we've been desensitized. We grew up with. Yelling and screaming in the home named Colleen. You know even if it's my old slapping her pinching her hitting it was our normal. And we just got accustomed to it so we don't even though makes us feel that it's harmful we somewhere notes destructive. We just developed a tolerance. Lawrence well I think a lot of a lot of women and because men can be victims of abuse as well absolute I don't think kids as. I have a percentage by virtue of the male and female being you know physically strong stronger in Rinker. Physically yes the sexes but. But it can happen to either but I think once you have children I know for women and I I pick and a friend of mine who put her husband. This is years ago he soon bush if assailants on top ever had in front of all the children. And I remember thinking oh my god I would be gone so. But she had several children witness man any wasn't at all the time is so. What do you do a circumstance well and so you know first of all. Line I'm afraid if I get divorced and I am not a buffer between children and their dad and they might not be safe so I'm going to be a martyr. And I think I can only protect them if I stay in this situation to protect them from afar. That would be one reason she would stay another reason is well he's only this way a small percentage of time. That's truly one of the reasons a lot of women stay and what we call trauma bonding which is a whole another topic but they're used to having some measure of abuse. In the hope percent of things but then if he makes up forty buys him guess he's sweet he's kind and so they. They let the abuse scandal for a bit and but at a former manipulation absolutely it's this it's a cyclical process and abuse. And but it it it kind of stops the action and then you calm down you kind of things go back to normal. Most people really in these situations are just in survival mode. In order to really leave you have to you have to have a little bit extra energy. To step out of it an abuser will try to make sure they keep you locked into a cycle C don't ever have that extra energy to escape or what about the lack support and the support work I would look at recent well and in this circumstance I was talking about absolutely she was a stay at home right now so financially I can't support my Q did right. If we get locked into a debt situation where we're stuck financially. It is really hard it's scary to think I'm gonna leave with nothing. Now if you had a family who would take you women are you had parents or other people to support you obviously that overcomes that a little bit but. And sometimes we're just overwhelmed we don't feel like we could work and be moms that debt take that all on ourselves even if financially we can do it. Were afraid we don't have any help. And that would feel overwhelming so we'll tolerating abuse rather than Indian state of overwhelm. Us having you know too much on her plate. How many women who fall into the trap and again a commitment to the how many phone trap. Ideas surface. Well sadly because I did something right and get beaten down yourself esteem because they and they ultimately believe that there worth rye and you know so and I'm gonna just use this statistic because it's true that worked for us EPS agency and so we are dealing with them and Mexican population here. And one of the reported to me that the statistic here locally is that 95%. Mexican winner is. Also. One and they were raised in a home where they so fathered out abuse their mom that was the normal. And then so there's an expectation. That the hit the father did abuse the children they are trying to rescue their children by escaping. But date date date culturally. You know expected it and I'm not saying that's across the board tree that statistic was reported to me. But that's what I saw with the line at these so so that you go into it with an idea of and a possession. You know I don't have rights that type of thing and then you'd just been named Colleen. The beaten down beaten down beaten down and if you went into that relationship with shame and low self esteem to start when it's. I'm giving go back to the diamond thing. Thank H ring it's the whole mentality. Going into the marriage for it but if it is no rain is more important TU. That Nero self esteem and self love than you're already headed for trouble. Right right. And I think one is the other issue she fine with women is I know for me in I was married to a sexually addicted man for a lot of years and one of the reasons. One of the reasons I Woodley was he was trying to get better. And so I kept given him another chance in the go to therapy for Lionel. And I kept having the spotlight Ayman acquit. And then he's gonna get well like as soon as I divorce him he's gonna get well yeah I'm gonna wish I had just waited a little longer something like that so that would have been yeah the things. One of my other fears was that he would commit suicide if I am took his kids away in last so. All these wrong reasons. He's well and those are very real fear for your favorite I have a friend that actually happened to you now in an abusive relationship that she was and she kept trying to get out get out and he would. You know just threaten suicide in and and I and he did do yeah he did do it when she tried to really get away in right. You know didn't. To no fault of hers that's absolutely you know he was mentally ill to start absolutely and that's the other thing when they're good person and you don't want to it's right person either. You find yourself finding compassion and for this person that you obviously have loved for many years or however many years you've loved and it doesn't matter but when you love someone. I think right your natural your natural it is hard inclination is to is driven another two yeah yes yeah and sometimes relations. Degrade they started out OK in your keep trying to go back to something you had the fourth thinking it'll cycle back around. Or the woman this is what I think a lot of confidence overtime and as feel like they don't have the strength like Saturday energy or confidence like. Or who's gonna accept me this may be ailing man I'm getting cat. And got damaged goods and or whatever but this happens demand too because I have another friend okay they who has a who has. Who was abused physically and emotionally and verbally by his girlfriend who he had a child went and you know I mean she was not a nice person I really wasn't and he was a very soft so well and there is so when she beat. On a hat sometimes to his week if we have a kind heart we we have this idea of alignment eleven even knowing they abuse me and one of the best books I ever read in and it's by doctor James Dobson is basically what he said is you cannot have a healthy relationship without mutual respect I agree and I just went back to that is no matter what you say what your reasons are do you wanna healthy he acts. And respect and trust at the very core of it for sure they go hand in hand. Rabbit Terry Brian always a pleasure I love this woman having her on the show. Thank you so much we'll be back with Susan Stine wrecker we're going to be talking about meaningful alignment ear listening to want life radio. Yeah. Sun warrior believes that plants provide the cleanest and most powerful includes. Rich in anti accidents and vitamins minerals and science and Fido nutrients. Our bodies crave real foods especially in this age where we have really processed everything we eat. 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