Bar Argument Tweetbag!

October 25, 2018 - 8:12 pm
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Bar Arguments Tweetbag!

I asked for your crazy bar arguments. I asked for the nonsensical crazy take that you or your friend has… so that we all may take part in the whimsy of it all. I got a LOT of responses, and I’m thinking this might be a good staple going forward. Also, if this sees an awful lot like Drew Magary’s “Funbag!” that’s because it is…. I love Drew.  

Moving on… let’s go!

I’ve picked the top-5, and the rest… for a later date.

 

1.) Chicken or the egg 

If Josh Allen falls flat, we’ll most definitely be going through this exercise with him as well. Allen going in early means a few things for SURE… if he fails, it’ll be because he went in early, and if he succeeds, other fanbases will point to Allen and say “See! Allen struggled and was fine! He learned on the job!”

Is it INSANE to suggest that E.J. Manuel had a higher ceiling that he failed to reach because of circumstances outside of his control?

No.  

Is it right? Probably not? I think the true mark on Manuel isn’t that he lost his job four games into his second season… it’s what happened in the Tyrod-E.J.-Cassel year.

It was all right there for him to beat out a street free agent, and a end-of-career middle-of-the-road central casting veteran nothing quarterback that ends up as a trivia question in each market he plays in.

EJ didn’t win that battle. He never even threatened to.

I truly do believe that circumstances can diminish a prospect’s ability to reach a ceiling… but more often than not, it’s the lack of a second opportunity that does them in.

Manuel got that.

So no… I don’t think the Bills ruined Manuel.  

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2.) The Iron Man

I’m limiting myself to Cal Ripken Jr’s baseballreference.com page for the purposes of this take.  

A 19-time All-Star… Ripken absolutely makes the Hall if we’re choosing the “Can you tell the story of the game without him” metric. I like that measurement quite a bit. I think more players that were integral to the sport, but perhaps not statistically, could and should go in.

When you think about it, Halls of Fame were created to provide a place gather all the greats and remember them. Now we’ve got the internet. If I wanna know something about Cal, it’s on the internet. This kinda harkens back to all the questions about putting an asterisk on Barry Bonds home run totals. Like there was actually a BOOK where we kept that stuff.  

Anyway back to his resume…

Per Baseball Reference’s “similarity scores” Ripken slots in, as a batter, with:

  • Adrian Beltre (831.1)
  • Dave Winfield (789.4) *
  • Craig Biggio (761.4) *
  • Al Kaline (750.8) *
  • Carlos Beltran (749.4)
  • Robin Yount (746.6) *
  • Carl Yastrzemski (744.2) *
  • Eddie Murray (742.5) *
  • Derek Jeter (720.1)
  • Harold Baines (713.2)

He had six seasons WAR in the top-10. 

He was an eight-time Silver Slugger winner

Can I say that he also inspired the next generation of great shortstops?  

Look at the numbers?

I’m looking.  

I think you’ve got a pretty tough case here.

Ruling - Your friends are right to ride you… of course Cal Ripken Jr. belongs in the Hall of Fame

***

3.) Fore!

My first reaction is to say OF COURSE you could throw a golf ball to the ice from the 300 level.

But wait a minute… you might have to be in the first few rows.

If you want to maximize distance on your throw, you’ll need to launch the ball from 326, at a 45 degree angle, or as close to that as you can. If you’re in the last row, you might be flirting with the catwalk at that point. If you have to lower your trajectory from there, you’ve got no chance.

Now let’s consider section 326… you’re at the end of the ice. That seems like a lot more ground to cover with your golf ball heave. I think this further brings in to play the ceiling and your proximity to it.

I still think yes, though. Yes.

***

4.) Wildlife Throwdown

The first thing we’ve got to do is be honest about the limitations of the human form. Almost every animal with claws, or talons, that’s bigger than a breadbox, has a good shot at taking us out.

Someone in the tweet thread responded with a claim that he believes he could take down a cheetah. Of course he could not.

The job here isn’t to list all of the animals you could take down, but come up with the “biggest” animal that you could. We can’t be using technicalities here, like pushing an animal off a cliff or something like that.

Are we even getting to a deer in this discussion? Can a person take down a deer with his/her bare hands? I’m sure there are some folks that can, but the animal has the option of running away, no? I think we have to slot in smaller than deer for that reason. They’re beefy, and they have hard skulls so punching it in the face is probably fruitless.

Don’t come at me with any of the primates… or big cats… or seemingly docile giants. Humans are not designed to take animals out with bare hands. There’s a good book about running, “Born to Run” where one of the main theories is that humans evolved to become distance runners because that’s how we were supposed to hunt. Animals out in the wilderness are all faster than us… so at one point humans would track them to exhaustion.

The book was about that, and running barefoot. It’s a very good book about ultra marathons and I’d recommend it to anyone.

We don’t have claws. We won’t have any luck puncturing a thick hide. Meanwhile, we can be taken down with a slash to the right part of the body.  

I’m imagining that the animal you’re going to fight, knows it is a fight and is going to fight back… or flee. I’m guessing the animal will do what it thinks is the best plan of attack… so I’m going to go conservative here.

We don’t stack up without our tools. What about a hog? A big pig? I can’t even give us that because… don’t they sometimes eat people that fall down? I’m pretty sure Dorothy almost died cause of the pigs in the Wizard of Oz, and in one of the Hannibal movies doesn’t he have them eat a person from the feet up?

I don’t want the answers you’re all about to give me on just how dangerous hogs are.

We got nothing. Fine, my answer is house cats.

***

5.) Peterman Can

Well… it begs this question: Is five interceptions Sean McDermott’s breaking point? Ok so that pass doesn’t get intercepted… is the next one? The one after that?

If he only throws the four interceptions, does he stay in the game the whole time? Does he play in Kansas City?

Yeah, he threw all five interceptions but it is worth mentioning that half of the miracle is that he was ALLOWED TO THROW FIVE INTERCEPTIONS IN ONE HALF.

Not kidding at all… it’d have been wonderful if it was one of those Mic’d up games and we could get a listen into what McDermott would have been saying to Peterman in between all the picks. In all seriousness, might help us understand the coach and how he operates in the face of adversity and failure.

***

Rapid Fire!

Your friend is wrong. Mock him.
 

Turkey, ham, and roast beef. Done.


Not a chance. Gale force winds would carry a ball already aloft but I don't think I could get enough air under it for the wind to do the work.

***

This was fun! Get into a raging debate with your friends on one of these… because we can probably find the right answer to that animal one if we all work together.

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